(Satire)
By David Himbara
The British government’s Chief Negotiator in Cash for Humans transactions, Suella Braverman, arrived in Rwanda to inspect the quarters where her merchandise will be housed. She was dazzled by the ultramodern facilities built by Africa’s most successful dealer in Cash for Humans, General Paul Kagame. Asked to comment about her impressions of doing business in Rwanda, Braverman was jubilant:
“Let me first get something off my chest about my own parents, the parents of Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, and the parents of my predecessor, Priti Patel. As some of you may know, our parents came from Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania, Mauritius, and India. It makes me so sad that they were allowed to stay in the UK when they sought asylum there. What a pity the Rwandan option did not exist then! I am incredibly impressed with the vibrant economy of Rwanda. There can be no doubt that our lives would have been much better in Rwanda than settling in a SAD country. What does SAD stand for, you ask? It means ‘seasonal depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).’ Unlike evergreen Rwanda, the land of a thousand hills, the UK is miserably cold, dark and rainy, lacking sunlight, which makes the asylum seekers feel sad, tired and irritable.”
Brevaman concluded that the asylum seekers who land in the UK “will thank her for sending them to beautiful, peaceful and dynamic Rwanda instead of allowing them to settle in SAD Britain.”
Meanwhile, General Kagame was laughing all the way to the bank for depositing the US$170 million (£140 million) that Brevaman paid for the deal. The General was heard singing Bobby McFerrin’s famous tune, “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” 🤣🤣
